The Wifey Fluffer

The Wifey Fluffer

We’ve all been in a situation where a guy drops the famous ‘I don’t know what I want’  line.

(If not, congrats.. you’ve had a real one from the jump, or dodged a few bullets. Please continue to read for bants) 

Stupidly some of us beautiful women decide to stay and WAIT for for a guy to decide if you’re the right girl for him. 

Little did you know we’ve been popping before he persuaded you, so what the hell was you waiting for? 

This guy is everything you wanted, he’s tall,(maybe short, whatever your taste is) handsome and has a full hairline (No shade as a few bald guys are spicy)

You think you’ve hit the jackpot with this Kofi Siriboe looking snack but his mind is not where it needs to be. 

Let me take a quick pause of the blog because I’m VEXT-T-T-T

Some guys really wanna play games in 2017 like their mum don’t want grandchildren and a daughter in law to brag about.

Fix up please

Back to the blog – Rant over!! 

He seems to be selling you a dream, you’re playing the star role in the movie he’s directing and you’re doing a damn good job playing clueless. 

He always has excuses as to why you should take it slow, why things are nice how it is and why there is no need to rush because… listen to this lie – ‘I got you’ 

He doesn’t have you, he’s only ‘got you’ looking like a FOOL whilst you prance around making him dinner, making excuses for his lies, hoping he’ll do better and make you wifey.

The truth is, you’re just a Wifey Fluffer, you’re preparing this goat for his wife. 

Yes I said prepare, as in seasoning meat, as in baking your face with Laura Mercier Setting powder, as in lining your lips with MAC Chestnut Lipliner before using your NYX Abu Dhabi Soft Matte lipgloss and Pure Pink Avon lipstick

You’re his test victim, his ‘Let me see how far I can finesse’ type of girl, smh… how do some guys sleep at night please? lol 

Being a wifey fluffer is draining, it makes you question your worth and degrades your pride for a man that:

1. Doesn’t respect you (not all men)

2. Has no intentions being with you whats so ever. (Well not now anyway) 

This sounds so terrible but there are three different Wifey Fluffers’ (In my opinion)

Motivating Monica

Some of us ladies will go above and beyond to make sure our men reach their final goal in life. 

Hence why I call this Fluffer ‘Motivating Monica’ 

Monica is your is Michelle Obama, she will help you build your career and give you the support you need to get to the next level. 

She’s so focused and determined to be the MVP in her mans circle. 

As dope as Monica is right now, her man is not ready for a serious relationship, or may not be feeling her the same way she feels him – and that’s OK. 

Monica may be in the scene for two years maybe three, (or less, depends how savage the guy is) but this man has no intentions of making her his No1.

At this point Monica is RAGED, she’s invested so much time and effort with a guy who will not be sharing the rewards to his successful lifestyle in the future. 

It’s a shame it couldn’t work out, Monica really has this guys best interest at heart – But she’s not the one… Soz!

I feel bad for Monica because she hasn’t technically done anything wrong, she’s been by her mans side and supported him in his ventures.

Women like Monica become confused, kinda crazy and may find it difficult trusting men in the future.

Don’t worry Monica, your man is coming… he’s currently being ‘fluffed’

On to the next one (Swiss Beats Voice) 

Fun Felicia

Fun Felicia is a wild child, she’s every guys naughty dream. 

She’s adventurous and only wants ONE thing, this is a mans saviour if he doesn’t want a serious relationship. 

Who wouldn’t want to go on spontaneous ‘date nights’, have Netflix and chill Sundays and 3am ‘I’m coming thru’ messages on Friday’s. 

Everything seems perfect until Ms Felicia FINALLY catches feelings. 

Clearly the guy isn’t happy about this and politely puts those feelings in the bin.

Felicia has no grounds to be upset as she already signed the terms and conditions.

Even if she didn’t agree to anything, what was she expecting. 

Did Felicia really believe this guy is going to fall madly in love with her and everyone would live happily ever after? 

Did she really think he was going to introduce her to his family, wife her then have kids?

Do I really need to say what’s next?


Delusional Dionne

I love a Dionne but she’s a jar bag, she’s her make believe boyfriend’s Mother Teresa. 

The girl will pretty much do ANYTHING for him because she wants to be wifey soooo bad. 

He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want a girlfriend, but she’s somehow now cooking, cleaning and being attentive to his every need. 

In her mind she’s wifey, but in reality she’s a nobody. 

She’s so focused on waiting for her long desired dream of being ‘The Mrs’ she lost her mind, but most importantly her SELF RESPECT!! 

This is what you call borderline crazy, imagine trying for someone who told you to chill at the start of the race but you’re doing Usain Bolt to impress them. 

Dionne realises he’s making no attempt to cuff her down, she gets overly emotional and may use her good deeds as a CV to show her current skills fits the role of Wifey perfectly. 

But Dionne – He’s not hiring, sooo take your CV elsewhere lovely. 

Thanks for being an unofficial, not needed, never requested rider, but your services will no longer be needed. 

Ladies NEVER be a Dionne.

If a guy is directly telling you he doesn’t want a girlfriend, don’t embarrass yourself and play a role he’s already told you he doesn’t want. 

Never give your all to man that doesn’t need or want you at that point, make sure you find a man that is SURE of you and when I say sure I mean SECURE THE RING B!!

Lets be honest –  Its cute that she really likes him, but its laughable that she thinks she can change a man who’s told you what it is from the beginning. 

You can NEVER change a mans mind, if a man changes his mind its because HE wants too. 

So all you girls thinking ‘I changed my man, ‘Chloe’s talking trash’  is very foolish.

(You might as well stop reading because your energy is not tolerated here boo) #PositiveVibesOnly 

You can ASSIST with his growth, EXPAND his vocabulary and HELP him understand right from wrong – But YOU can NEVER change him.

The three Wifey flutters are not bad women, they get caught up with guys who are not ready to settle down for their own reasons. (Mainly because they’re to busy searching for you) *Wink*

Each woman may have taught these men something they want or need in their wife or better yet, what they don’t want or need for their future forever. 

It’s not the greatest job in the world but someone has to do it.

When I get married I’d like to personally say ‘Thanks flutters, its been an emotional journey for ya’ 

Until then, I’m going to keep my mouth shut and be humble lol

Have you been a wifey fluffer? Send me the deets on my twitter or Instagram x

Ci xx


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