Breakups are never the easiest thing to overcome, it takes time to get yourself back on track as well detach yourself from someone you’ve been connected to for quite some time.
It could’ve been a short term or long term relationship, either way your emotions are bound to be crushed and you need to get your mind back to being YOU!
I’ve always learnt the hard way by not looking after myself mentally, meaning I’d ask myself questions I know the answers too but refuse to except it.
Wanting my friends or family to give me another answer to make myself feel better, knowing I’ll be back to feeling low and regretting the things I could have said (or not said at all) which helped encourage the breakup.
Breakups can make you lose or gain weight depending on if you’re comfort eating or not eating enough.
I’ve definitely gained wait after the majority of my breakups -sigh!!
I’ve eaten my little 5ft2 life away watching TV programmes that reminded me of my ex… piling on the pounds with zero damns.
BUT not anymore… No man is nice enough for me to gain or lose weight like this – No maam; you don’t pay my bills for me to be stressing my body out looking crazy.
I’ve been there done that, wore the T-Shirt and sold it on E-bay. I refuse to put my body or mind through that stress again.
I remember crying so much thinking it was me when it wasn’t my fault.
Putting myself in a cocoon whilst alienating myself from my friends and lying to my family saying I’m ok, but deep down I was so broken by the stress and no communication I had with my ex partner.
Looking back at it now I can confidently say it wasn’t worth it, not because of him – but mainly because the signs of us not working out where right in front of me in the first year or two of us deciding to go steady.
Little traits I dismissed and said ‘It’s nothing’ were SOMETHING for me to pay attention too, but I didn’t.
Saying things were too good to be true but in reality it was, his true personality was being dimmed by the persona he tried to hide from me but also himself.
Ladies and Gents: If you see traits in someone you know you can’t handle, COMMUNICATE this ASAP!
It might not be easy, but it needs to be done, I can’t stress enough, communications is KEY!!
Don’t wipe it under the carpet for it to get worse, don’t make them think their behaviour is acceptable.
If you do, how do you expect to see change.
What grounds do you have to argue or get frustrated with them if you haven’t communicated the issue.
Try to cut out all bad habits when you spot them, if you really cant handle their behaviour or they feel they don’t need to change their ways, change your mind with being in their life – something has to give – your mental state of mind should not be one of them.
When you love someone it’s hard to see if that person is TOXIC or treasure to your soul, feeding you good energy and creating a path of forever to build your family with them.
You’re so lost from your memories, time invested and ‘what ifs’ that you caused your mind to self-destruct from being YOU, the person your ex met that they love/d with confidence and sass.
The woman (or man) who had it together, not a broken, silent, angry, confused or bland soul with a ‘blah’ personality.
This is not you; it’s never been you; How did you fall so deep in quicksand that your mind is the sound of nothing when your brain is still.
You need to look after your mental health before anything, if you can’t be strong for yourself what use are you to anyone else.
When I struggled with my breakups I didn’t have the greatest advice because I chose to bottle up my emotions as I hate being a burden to others.
Don’t get me wrong, when I did vent to my friends they helped as much as they could from the information I gave them – But it would be wrong for me to take their advice knowing they only knew a fraction of what was going on.
If you also struggle with discussing your feelings to others or need a pick me up, here are a few things which might get you back on track:
1. Hit the gym or fitness class.
Working out is a good way to get your body looking better than ever after a breakup, it’s also great for clearing your mind and staying focused.
It may seem boring doing 10mins of cardio, as well as three sets of squats in the weight area – But let me tell you something, your body and skin will thank you later.
Not really a gym person?
Ladies why not check out Pole fitness
Gents why not try kick boxing or swimming.
2. Complete a Self-Love Challenge
This helped me in more ways I could ever imagine.
30 Days of self-love challenge not only helped me to heal and focus on myself again, it helped me to LOVE the person I am, as well as work on my flaws to be the best version of myself.
Some of my male readers might find this difficult, if so maybe switch it up to suite your needs.
As long as you learn to love yourself more in the process, you’re winning.
3. Write out your emotions (Very helpful)
This allows you get all your emotions out in the open without holding any negative feelings towards your ex.
It’s a great eye opener to see how much pain has been caused towards on what’s broken to prepare yourself for a new start.
You might find it difficult to start with, but within time you’ll be free of all negative thoughts to potentially move on.
You might also understand where your ex was coming from in certain disagreements, as you now have time to reflect and be at peace with your emotions.
If you understand where they were coming from GREAT – You’ve learned something for your new relationship, no need to make the same mistakes twice.
4. Organise YOUR space
Changing your surroundings may help you to clear your mind-set.
It might also help you to not reminisce on the past as your room/ home may be a reminder of what you once shared with your ex.
A new set up might help you to grow and feel more at peace, it doesn’t have to be a major change, but adding a few new accessories and changing the Feng shui of your home could make a HUGE difference.
Feng Shui Facts
Feng Shui is an ancient Chinese art of placement.
The basic principle is that life force energy flows through your dwellings and has a powerful effect on the way you feel and think.
All objects possess an energy called chi (in Chinese) that you can use to bring luck, wealth and opportunity into your home.
Moral of the story, change your room/house vibes lol
Check out my Pinterest for a few Coco Home décor ideas
5. Allow yourself to grieve
Ladies, you’re bound to cry, if you don’t that’s ok, everyone grieves differently.
Gents – As feminine as this may sound crying is completely normal, if you need to cry do it.
Sometimes we cry as we’re scared of change, meeting a new lover or just disappointed the relationship didn’t work out.
I found setting a time limit for my ‘grievance hour’ useful to vent and be emotional in that time frame.
I set aside one hour to grieve a day, which gradually lead to one hour every 4 days, now I’m jigga hov
Go Clo… ayyyyy!!
Once that time was over I wiped my tears and got on with my day, it helped me to not only learn to be mentally disciplined, but to get over my grievance much quicker to avoid further heart ache.
It’s never fun dwelling on the past, having a set time to grieve was the perfect solution to limit my salty tears and puffy eye moments.
They do say ‘You’re allowed five emotional minutes in the day, then you gotta be gangster’
If your grievance lasts longer than expected, try speaking to someone you trust or seeing a therapist.
Crying to much could lead to further issues which may take longer to resolve.
6. Keep your distance – don’t fall into bad habits (Issa trap)
One thing I would recommend is to stay AWAY from ‘Rebound relationships’
Be careful of who you give your time too, you’re still hurting and may fall into the arms of a man or woman who will not only waste your time – but add more stress to your life which is not needed.
In some cases you could be the culprit who wastes someone’s time as you’re unsure of what you want, which is understandable.
If you decide to get into another situation, make it VERY clear that you want to take it SLOW to be sure of your emotional state of mind.
Don’t put someone else in the same situation you just got out of – Be sure of them before committing to anything serious.
Hopefully the following tips can help you get back on track to being the best version of yourself and finding love again.
If you need further advice feel free to email/DM me, I’d be more than happy to help.
DISCLAIMER: I’m not trained therapist or doctor, I can only give advice based on my experience and what I believe would be the right solution.
If you’d prefer professional help please seek guidance from a trained practitioner.