Are you living or exsisting?

Hey readers,

I’m sure we all know someone or a few people who pretend to be happy on social media but in the real world, their life is PITS!!

Is social media that hypnotising that we have to pretend to be living our best life when really some people are barely making ends meet, or stressed the hell out.

I can honestly say I’ve been there – Not saying I’ve ever done anything ‘for the gram’ but I know I’ve tried to keep up appearances whilst going through difficult life situations.

At one point my life was soo emotionally unstable that I would be commenting ‘LMAOOO’ on family and friends social media pages whilst crying a river of tears because I didn’t have the answers to some of the questions floating around in my head.

I’d be doing the most, posting cute selfies and uploading blog posts when I knewwwww I needed to take a break away from everything and everyone and focus on my mental well-being.

Last Year on Unadulterated Podcast, I openly discussed my battles with mental health and how it effected me, without mentioning  that I was still going through some mild trauma of situations which I felt I had under control – BISSSSHHHHH I was sooo wrong.

The stress, anxiety, depression and duel personality came knocking on my door like …

(This is one of my favourite memes by the way lol)

It almost felt like those deadly visitors knew when and how to ruin me.

They definitely did their ting for a few months.

Only my nearest and dearest know the drammmmmaaa (said in my best Joanne the scammer voice)  that forced me to take a back seat and reorganise my life to be where I am now.

I’m not saying that you can’t post photos when you’re depressed, or like funny memes on @yungtomtom’s instagram feed to help cheer you up, because trussssssss mi dadddyyyyyy… her page will certainly have you dying, (especially during #DeafeningDecember lmao) but please make sure you’re not pretending to be ‘happy’ or fighting demons you can’t handle.

Sometimes all you need is some support/guidance to help you live your best by recognising your down days.

Please, please, please…don’t par them off, you’ll only make yourself get worse. (And yes.. I know this is easier said than done, let me land)

Have someone you trust write notes of when you’re acting out of character, or if you’re strong enough.. do it yourself.

When you write your down days on paper, you’re recording a patten of unhappiness which you can now reflect on. You now have a visual of what could of triggered your down day/emotions. 

Where I went wrong was silencing my inner voice telling me;

‘Yoooo, Chloe…. hello… you need help ma G… you’re about to explode’

Honestly, if my inner self was a meme, she’d look like this wearing a fresh pair of AF1’s lol

I ignored the signs because I felt I had it under control, I thought I knew how to manage myself. Silly old me honestly thought drinking my one gallon of water a day would solve everything lol. 

Clearly that was a lie as the water was still not clearing my adult acne, helping me to loose weight that felt like it was stitched on my body over night or solving my hair loss issues.

In 2017 my 3c-4a curls were 14inches long – Can anyone explain to meeeeee why this happened please:

  • February 2018 – 12 inches
  • June 2018 – 10 inches
  • September – 6 inches

December – Theres no point even telling you a length because I had to cut the hair off my head fam!!

I would run my fingers through my hair and this would come out – DAILY 

I wish I had photos of my hair before but I’m not really photogenic so ummm.. yeah use your imagination or google the hair lengths lol.

Now lets do the math, I’m going hairdressers every two weeks, to keep my natural hair popping which included a wash, deep conditioning treatment and the occasional blow out (on cool settings) costing £67 Now…. thats not cheap for me to then have to balllllllll’afff my head lol.

The signs for me to chill were in my face everyday and I didn’t wanna listen, which is why I wanted to use my platform no matter how small it is to help someone understand that life can be one hell of a bitch sometimes.

We have to learn look after ourselves when we feel our body is slowing down or being easily frustrated and emotional at little things which wouldn’t usually bother us.

Learn to listen to yourself first before doing anything else – EVERYTHING must go on hold until you fix yourself.

A lot of people only exist in this world, they’re not living the life that was already written for them because they’re broken, stuck on the same chapter and baffled on how to level up.

Alyssa Forever read my mind not to long ago and said via twitter

Is it weird that I feel like my whole life has been on autopilot and it took 20+ years for my player to be activated. All memories and mindsets from before have faded and I feel like I just arrived here and I’m ready to conquer’

Then she blew my mimddddd with this quote tweet

Maybe it spoke to me because I’m a PS4 junkie so the game reference was sick, but honestly this is exactly how I’ve felt for the past few years.

Just idle with a head full of dreams ready to be executed, to finally be here, doing it all, making a solid foundation for my future and taking each day as a blessing.

It’s hard but I feel like if I keep the same energy as I do now, LISTEN to myself when I need to slow down, continuously forgive those who hurt me, ask God to fill my heart with patience, peace, happiness, health and love…  I’ll be good money. #SweetOne

Thanks for reading everyone

Link up pending (via my next blog) lol

Ci x



  1. December 12, 2018 / 9:55 pm

    This is gold Chloe! The memes you all picked are on point 🙂 The way people use social media can be toxic and it’s already proven by studies to have a role in depression and low self-esteem. It’s hard to believe that since social media should be about connecting and sharing with others.

    Keep it moving!

    Johnny | Johnny’s Traventures

    • Ci1990
      December 13, 2018 / 2:22 pm

      Thanks Johnny – Glad you enjoyed another post.
      It’s sooo shocking how social media has caused so much havoc on our lives.
      Can you imagine what it will be like in the next 10 years *Covers face*

      Thanks again for your support xx

  2. December 13, 2018 / 1:44 am

    Thanks so much for being willing to share your experience. It’s such an important thing to continue to support others and remind everyone that it is okay to admit when we are not okay.

    • Ci1990
      December 13, 2018 / 2:31 pm

      Thank you for reading Ashley, I really appreciate it.
      I’ve always wanted my blog to be transparent about my feelings and what I’m going through.
      No matter how big/small our platform is we should always set an example to people reading our work to let them know we’re human and we also have our down days/ stress.

      Thanks again for reading
      Ci xx

  3. Mylinda
    December 14, 2018 / 2:05 am

    Thank you for being so honest and frank. People forget these things and don’t take care of them selves..

    • Ci1990
      December 16, 2018 / 2:38 pm

      Thank you Mylinda, it’s such a great feeling to post about my experiences to help others who need a helping hand.
      I appreciate you taking the time to blog post.

      Ci xx

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