I know What I Bring To The Table.. Great, Eat Alone G!!

Hey readers,

I’m back with another blog post to have you guys motivated and ready for a new week ahead.

As my birthday draws closer (Feb 1st for those wondering) I’ve come to realise I’ve had some really useless friends who disguised themselves as helpful’ ‘knowledgable’ and ‘supportive’ but in reality they served no purpose to my life.

It feels like I’ve been carving a plush round marble table to seat 10 riders but I can’t seem to get the seating arrangement right.

All I requested was for everyone to bring their OWN chair, fish and a bottle of Shloer to make the table complete, but some so called ‘friends’ found it hard to stick to the basic requests to have a seat at this damn table.

I’ve had ‘friends’ bring masses of Jerk Pork to my table, to only then Instagram, Snapchat and Tweet foodie pics of this dead meal and then tell people they’ve fed me.

I’ve had idiots bring bottles of Henny, and £28 Moet bottles from Morrisons acting as if I owe them something because they bought me ‘expensive’ drinks to quench my thirst.

Keyword – Expensive 

Its been sooooo bad that someone brought me an extra table and a few designer chairs from Wayfair as a ‘favour’ to then whats app another friend, telling them they did more than everyone else to make it seem like they’re looking out for me. *Rolls Eyes*

I’ve realised in life, you can ask people for the basics and they’ll overcomplicate things to seem more important, helpful, useful or trustworthy because they’ve gone ‘above and beyond’ when you haven’t asked them do so.

Then… these so called friends get mad when they don’t see you glorifying their ‘good deeds’

Are you God – Sekkle yourself and go to sleep.

Now….. don’t get me wrong, it’s always nice to have your friends go that extra mile for you ONLY if it’s with a clean heart, without them wanting something back in return, or to take it back and tell you when you get into an argument.

Now trust meeeeeeee, if you ever fix your dumb mouth to tell me all the things you’ve done or bought me, I’ll throw it in the bin with zero hesitation.

If you give me something with a dirty mind or bad intentions… in the bin it goes

I’ll swisshhh that gift in the bin like Micheal Jordan lol

I’ve done it before to people who wanna do smile up in my face and give me nonsense xmas gifts this year, that shit when straight in the bin. *Shrugs shoulders*

I’ve done it with birthday presents, random gifts… you name it – My mother didn’t raise an idiot, your bad blessings will go in the bin sha.


The Jerk pork prat didn’t do me any favours because;

1- I asked for fish

2- I don’t eat meat

3- Even when I ate meat, Pork NEVER touched my mouth or went in my system, so why now would I tolerate it at my table.

4- Dinner is on Friday which means its #FishFriday durrrr lol

Is your hearing ok? – Why have you brought the complete opposite of what I needed, why are you going on SM publicising what you’re doing for me, we’re suppose to be friends, whatever you do for me shouldn’t need to be aired to everyone. Further more… WHERE IS YOUR CHAIR??

The £28.00 Moet muppet also messed up because; 

1- I don’t drink alcohol

2- I asked for Sholor

Again… Is your hearing ok? – Why do people think buying expensive things means you’re going to appreciate the gift more.. because guess what… I won’t!!

Further more… WHERE IS YOUR CHAIR??

Ahh.. now the Wayfair Wolly messed up because; 

1- They brought an extra table – DID I NEED AN EXTRA TABLE FAM?? – Who else are you inviting to this dinner please?

2- Designer chairs means nothing, it could of been made of paper mache from Art Attacks finest Neil Buchanan and I would of been thankful that you tried, but nooooo…. you wanna be extra init.

I only needed one chair from them, they didn’t bring food or drink as they felt their table and extra chairs compensated for the other items I requested from them.

Did they bring the extra table and chairs to dictate who can sit in our circle because they paid for them?

Did they bring extra items to feel more superior to my other friends and think I’d favour them for their ‘favour’ ???

Who told them I had extra space for their table and chairs please…. movvveeeeeeeee  (@MikesComedy voice)

Whatever they thought they FAILED!!

(Fun Fact: I remember finesssssssssing my mums toilet tissue to make paper mache items  for it to only come out rubbish lol – Neil made it look easy lol)

What baffles me is.. I’ve built something humbly for my friends and I to enjoy, I asked them for help and instead of helping me with what I NEED, they helped me for their own personal gain and items they WANTED without consulting me first.

I’ll give them a pat on the back for all that they’ve brought to my table which was empty, BUT the question is…. was the items they brought beneficial to me??

Ahh... Nah

And thats my problem, we live in a world where people think bringing more than expected should be appreciated and applaud.

When really, people need to open their ears more and ASK QUESTIONS if they’re unsure about something.

I’m TI-YAARRDDDDDDD of people saying to me/people ‘Ohhh, I thought you might like this instead’ or ‘Ohh I thought that’s what you would of wanted’

Did you ask me G? – Why are you assuming this is something I would of wanted if you haven’t asked me?

You done what you done because it benefits YOU – PERIODTT!!

My blood boils when people do this assuming nonsense when they already know what I’m like and what I like.

It’s easier to seem like you’re being ‘helpful’ when really you’re trying to control a situation- NOTT WITH MEEEE!!

Assume only when you understand my personality, my likes and dislikes, but if you’re assuming knowing what you bring to the table benefits you more than me you have issues sir/man’m.

All I’m trying to say is… when people, including yourself say ‘I know what I bring to the table, so trust me when I say I don’t mind eating alone’ be mindful that you’re always bringing the right items/service and not ONLY what you can offer.

For example, if you tell your boyfriend you need an electrician and he brings you ‘Jermaine the apprentice Plumber’ how can Jermaine assist you please??

I don’t wanna hear ‘Ahhh, maybe my man can try a ting cos plumbers sometimes work with electricians on site’

Pardon…. smh


Listen…bring me an electrician or tell Jermaine his services will not be needed here – Cheers.

Stop thinking your default items (personality, talent, skill, looks, trade etc) can be placed at every table presented to you, because you’ll be in for a surprise when you get turned away.

Now, some people will read this blog and say ‘Clo… you hit the nail on the head’ and others will read it and say ‘Well, you shouldn’t be ungrateful so I dunno if I agree with her’  which is cool, I love healthy debates and Ci’n life thought other peoples eyes.

Comment your views or hit me up on Twitter or Insta to discuss further 🙂

Anyway guys, its been emotional, I hope you’ve enjoyed todays post.




The above references was just an example of people who’ve brought nonsense to my table, publicised it, justified their fuckery and acted confused when I declined their help.

I’m sure a few of them will read this, be mad and try to whats app me their 3D complaints whilst still justifying their actions.

But the gag is,  I changed my number sooooo….


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